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 Thinking About Divorce?
Posted byAdministrator on Monday, October 11 @ 23:07:02 AST
Contributed by Anonymous
In the Name of ALLAH, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful
May the Peace and Blessings be upon the beloved Prophet Muhammad.
Remember that marriage is half your religion!
Being married is supposed to be a union of comfort and tranquility for both the wife and husband.
Allah says: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” [Sûrah al-Rûm: 21].
Sometimes, however, being married isn’t about being filled with feelings of comfort, tranquility and love. On the contrary, feelings of hurt, anger, resentment and betrayal take power
Since we all recognize that marriage can occasionally be such a test, here are a few reminders that just might be of a benefit to you in your marriage
1: Love Allah first and love your husband for Allah’s pleasure.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: There are seven whom Allah will shade with His shade on the day when there is no shade but His shade…” and he mentioned among them: “… two men who love each other for the sake of Allah, meeting and parting for that reason alone.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim].
When you remind your self that the love you have for your husband, is there to attain Allah’s pleasure, it helps you to be patient and to fear Allah in your treatment of your husband, and likewise with his treatment with you.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “We see for those who are in love nothing better than marriage.” [Sunan Ibn Mâjah (1847) and Mustadrak Hâkim (2724) with a good chain of transmission]
2: Forgive His faults and Be Patient
Allah says in surah 42, ayah 43:
“ But indeed, if any show patience and forgive that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs.”
As humans, we are bound to fall in error.
Making a mistake in matters of marriage is not that much different from making a mistake in other areas of our religion. We need to repent for our faults and forgive the faults of others, just as we desire that Allah would forgive our own faults.
Allah says in surah 24 ayah 22:
“…Rather let them forgive and overlook- do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.”
“And what is with Allah is better and more enduring for those who believe and who rely upon their Lord. And those who avoid the major sins and indecencies, and when they become angry, they forgive.” [ Sûrah al-Shûrâ : 36-37]
3: Accept Allah’s Qadr (decree)
Allah says in surah 64 ayah 11:
“ no calamity befalls, but by the Leave ( Divine preordainments) of Allah, and whosever believes in Allah, He guides his heart ( to the true faith with certainty, i.e. what has befallen him was already written for him by allah from the Qadar [ Divine preordainments]). And Allah is the All-Knower of everything.”
Narrated Al-Husayn ibn Ali :
The Prophet (peace be upon him) as saying, "If any Muslim man or woman suffers a calamity and keeps it in his memory, even if it happened a long time ago, saying each time it is remembered, 'We belong to Allah and to Him do we return,' Allah, who is Blessed and Exalted will give a fresh reward each time it is said, equivalent to the reward when it happened."
Ahmad and Bayhaqi, in Shu'ab al-Iman, transmitted it. – At-tirmidhi hadith
It isn’t healthy to indulge in a past calamity. It will only harm you and your relationship with your husband if you do not get over a problem that occurred in the past. Understanding that everything that occurs in our life, the good and the bad, is predestined from Allah. Reminding yourself that Allah is in control of all things will help you to move on with your life.
On the authority of Saad bin Malik Al-Khudari, that the messenger of Allah said :
"There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm."
a fine hadith related by Ibn Majah, Al-Daraqutni and others
4: Give each other your rights
Many of us are aware that we have rights on each other as husband and wife. However, what most of us have a tendency to forget is that we are still obliged to treat each other as brothers and sisters in Islam. If married couples would just give each other the rights that they are ought to give, many tribulations that would arise otherwise, would cease to come up.
On the authority of Abu Hurairah, who said : the messenger of Allah said :
"Do not envy one another; do not inflate prices one to another; do not hate one another; do not turn away from one another; and do not undercut one another, but be you, O servants of Allah, brothers. A muslim is the brother of a muslim: he neither oppresses him nor does he fail him, he neither lies to him nor does he hold him in contempt. Piety is right here-and he pointed to his breast three times. It is evil enough for a man to hold his brother muslim in contempt. The whole of a muslim for another muslim is inviolable: his blood, his property, and his honor." narrated by Muslim.
Allah says in surah 17 ayah 53:
“ Tell My servants that they should speak only what is the best. Surely Satan stirs up trouble among them. The fact is that shaitan is an open enemy to mankind”
Abu Musa Al- Ashari reported: I asked the messenger of Allah (pbuh),“Who is the most excellent among the Muslims” He said, “ One from whose tongue and hands the other Muslims are secure.”
How many times have we said things that have displeased or hurt our spouses? Have we ever considered catering our words to our spouse’s feelings, in order not to upset or irritate them? As Muslim brothers and sisters in Islam, married couples should secure all people, especially their mates, from the harm and cruelty of their tongue and hands.
Abû Hurayrah relates how the Prophet (peace be upon him) described such people to “If a man invites his wife to his bed and she refuses, and as a consequence he goes to sleep angry, then the angels curse her until she rises.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî].
The Prophet (peace be upon him) says: “Fear Allah when it comes to women, for they are helpers you took in faithfulness to Allah. You also find it permissible to enjoy their femininity lawfully with Allah’s word. You owe it to them to spend money on them for their food and clothes in kindness.” [Sahîh Muslim]
Abû Hurayrah relates that a man said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Counsel me.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Do not get angry.” The man repeated his request many times, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) kept saying: “Do not get angry.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî
Yahya related to me from Malik that Yahya ibn Said said that he heard Said ibn al-Musayyab say, "Shall I tell you what is better than much prayer and sadaqa?" They said, "Yes." He said, "Mending discord. And beware of hatred - it strips you (of your deen)." Maliks muwatta
5: Respect and Honor your Husband.
Men are creatures who love power, honor and wealth, when they are deprived of these things; they tend to become irritable and aggressive. Nothing softens up a man like words of praise and respect. You can get the best out of your husband by giving him the respect and honor that he desires so deeply! Giving him respect and honor does not mean that you will be lowering yourself, but it means that you should be wise with how you speak to him and how you act towards him. The result will manifestly be that he will be happy and you will get what you want
6: Remind yourself of the purpose of your existence and use your marriage to get blessings and reward for the hereafter
The prophet (pbuh) said: “ If a women performs her five five prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, protects herself from immorality, and is obedient to her husband, she will enter into Jannah from any door she desires.” (hilya)
“And verily the Hereafter will be better for you than the present.” [Sûrah al-Dhuhâ: 4]
“But verily the reward of the Hereafter is the best for those who believe and are constant in righteousness” [Sûrah Yûsuf: 57]
On the authority of Abdullah bin Omar, who said: The messenger of Allah took me by the shoulder and said: "Be in the world as though you were a stranger or a wayfarer come to know. Then, nay, you will come to know. Nay, if you could only know with certainty, then you would surely see the Hellfire. Then you shall surely see the Hellfire. Then you shall be asked about life’s pleasures.” [Sûrah al-Takâthur: 1-8]."p
The son of Omar used to say: "At evening do not expect [to live till] morning, and at morning do not expect [to live till] evening. Take from your health for your illness and from your life for your death."narrated by Bukhari
7: Purify your own self
“Anger is from Satan, and Satan was created from fire. Fire is but extinguished by water, so if one of you gets angry, he should perform wudû'.” [ Sûnan Abî Dâwûd and Musnad Ahmad ]
On the authority of Anas, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say:
Allah the Almighty has said: "O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its." related by Al-Tirmithi, who said that it was a good and sound Hadith
Allah also says: “Lo! men who surrender unto Allah, and women who surrender, and men who believe and women who believe, and men who obey and women who obey, and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth, and men who persevere (in righteousness) and women who persevere, and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty), and men who remember Allah much and women who remember - Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward.” [ Sûrah al-Ahzâb : 35]
Allah says: “Indeed, prayer restrains from shameful and wrong deeds.” [Sûrah al-`Ankabût: 45]
Abû Mâlik al-Hârith b. `Âsim al-Ash`arî relates that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Purification is half of faith. The praise of Allah fills the balance. Saying ‘Glorified be Allah and praise be to Allah’ fills what is between the heavens and the Earth. Prayer is light. Charity is proof of faith. Patience is illumination. The Qur’ân is a proof both for you and against you. Each one of us goes forth in the morning as a vendor for his soul. He either achieves its emancipation or brings it to perdition.” [Sahîh Muslim]
The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised us not to speak when we are angry. He said: “If one of you gets angry, he should be quiet.” [ Musnad Ahmad ]
On the authority of Abu Malik Al-Harith bin Asim Al-Ashari said that the messenger of Allah said:
"Purity is half of faith. alhamdu-lillah [Praise be to Allah] fills the scales, and subhana-Allah [How far is Allah from every imperfection] and alhamdu-lillah [Praise be to Allah] fill that which is between heaven and earth. Prayer is light; charity is a proof; patience is illumination; and the Quran is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his day and is a vendor of his soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin."
narrated by Muslim.
8: Be grateful to Allah and to your husband
Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Look towards those who are beneath you and do not look towards those who are above you. This is better so that you do not belittle Allah’s blessings.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
9: Understand that Allah is your maula and wali and naseer
This worldly life can sometimes be such a test for every one of us. Life’s trials and tribulations can make anyone go crazy. Believing in Allah and His messenger, and trusting what Allah has revealed helps you understand the different trials of life. Allah is our Protecting Friend, Helper and our Guardian. He is the best of these roles and He will suffice anyone who trusts him and fears Him.
“Whoever puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is Allah for him.” [Sûrah al-Talâq: 3]
“Whoever fears Allah, He will prepare for him a way out and provide for him from whence he least expects it. And whoever places his trust in Allah, Allah is sufficient for him.” [ Sûrah al-Talâq : 2-3]
“And whoever fears Allah, He grants him ease in his affairs.” [ Sûrah al-Talâq : 4]
On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas, who said : One day I was behind the prophet and he said to me: "Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah. Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried." narrated by Termithi, who said it is true and fine hadith
10: Optimism is contagious, pass it on!
Being around someone who is pessimistic all the time will without doubt leave you feeling down. So next time someone is giving you a dose of their negativity, slap them back with some good words and a good attitude and see how it affects them and their day!
The prophet (pbuh) said: “ Do not look down upon any good work, and when you speak to your brother, show him a cheerful face. This is a good work.”
....
"The above is sincere advice to all married women. Stay Strong, attain knowledge of islam, becuase it is here for your benefit and know that your destination is your grave, and then inshALlah, it will be Jannah."
Assalamualaykum
Sarah Khaledi
WA, USA
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Average Score: 4.34
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Re: Thinking About Divorce? (Score: 1)
by Badreya on Wednesday, October 13 @ 07:58:14 AST
(User Info | Send a Message) | Salam alaikum, very good article mashallah!
We need this posted in the main section of Islamway for men to read also.
With all the temptations today and the throw away society we live in it seems that honoring and quarding the marriage has become a major issue.
Allah jazikal khier! |
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Re: Thinking About Divorce? (Score: 1)
by syeda929 on Saturday, November 20 @ 00:55:07 AST
(User Info | Send a Message) | Yes, it is a though-provoking article, but not anything new, as I have read and heard most of this before.
My own problem is with the authenticity of Hadiths, which I have not studied thoroughly enough, but some contradictions already appear with some of the ones quoted in this article.
I'll start with a hadith that my ex used to quote abundantly, even though he was not a believer in hadith (not according to his new religion of anyway, the point being that he liked all hadith that spoke of the man's rights and the women's obligations, and turned a deaf ear on anything propagating women's rights and men's responsibilities).
Anyway, under point 4:
Read the rest of this comment... |
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Re: Thinking About Divorce? (Score: 1)
by alhambra on Friday, December 03 @ 00:08:47 AST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Esselamu Aleykum,I have a real personal nightmare, so please email me back that I must ask somebody to help me. However, I don't want to share it with everyone. |
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